In honor of Valentine’s Day I am going to take a moment to talk about a some of my crushes of the moment.
Bowling crush---ah C, with your crappy ½ sleeve tattoo and your handlebar mustache and plugs. While you are too tall, too skinny, and have too much hair on your head to fit my normal crush profile I find myself oddly attracted to your uber-hipster self. You are funny, you like similar bad 80’s/90’s music and you like to do multiple fireball shots on Tuesday nights. Yep, I am sure my mom would just love you.
Work crush---no, not the same one. This one is a tad bit more inappropriate in so many ways.
Doggie Day care crush—You had me at “I have a Boston too.” Your beard, your sleeves, your non-traditional job. What’s that you say, you play in a band?
Local chef crush---another boy, another beard. And you like to cook (I mean it is your job and all). How could I not want to make out with you?! But please quit posting about your mom on Facebook.
Yoga instructor crush---Your calves are insane. Your body is kind of hot. And you're flexible. And you could help me get a hot yoga booty. I see this as a win win.
Random bearded ginger in Target---oh how I love a ginger. And a beard. Combine them together and I am ready to have babies named Madigan, McKenna, Finnegan, and Fallon with you.
Friend crush---this one is the worst and most frustrating one of all and the biggest actual real live wanna make out and cuddle while listening to bands I have never heard of while you judge me for never having heard of them and have you fix stuff in my house kind of crush. Instead of telling you about my crush on you, I will text you about The Walking Dead or something stupid.