I think we need to have a talk.

I feel like I am at a turning point, like I want to change my path. I want to take "the road not taken" but who even knows what that is. Two of my friends were laid off last Friday and I narrowly escaped the same fate earlier this month. While I am incredibly relieved, I am still not happy. I still don't feel any more secure than before. The latest move is just another stay of execution and I am starting to think that just getting it over with would be preferred. Now isn't the time to take risks with the economy being so unstable, is it? Shouldn't I just be happy I still have a job?
I am not sure just having a job is enough. I feel like I have always settled for what is safe, the easier path. This is not because I don't want more, but because I am so afraid to fail. I am afraid of how falling flat on my face would look to everyone else. This fear of failure isn't just in my work life but also in my personal life. I don't put my feelings out there-who wants to have that uncomfortable conversation where the other person doesn't feel the same way. I settle for less-you can look at my dating history and who I seem to be attracted to and know that, easy peasy. I don't give myself enough credit. I downplay my strengths-and self deprecating comments flow too easily out of my mouth. I accept mediocrity in others (and many times myself).
I have decided to set some goals for myself to break myself of some of these habits and hopefully break out of my rut. Some of the goals are know by my friends and some of them are just for me.

I just had to get that off my chest.

photo found here.


ANG* said...

chin up buttercup!

i think we all feel this way from time to time. i definitely understand what you are saying about "should i just be happy i even HAVE a job?" -- but the more i think about it, its not. you want to feel good about what you do. you spend so much time at one place with those people - it needs to be fulfilling and worth it.

now if only we didnt depend on that little thing they call a paycheck...

Jane said...

Way to stand up for yourself! You deserve to be happy.