Man Manifesto

This list was created by me, Aimee, and Tiffany one night with a few beers and a few good laughs (and some tears) about boys past.

These first ones in bold are the non-negotiable traits. Even though never appeared on Jerry, Jenny, Rickki, Maury, etc is very important.

Has to like me
He must be single - no wife, no girlfriend
Straight – 100%, no questions
Must not be physically or mentally abusive
Employed – must file tax returns
No drug habit (includes alcohol)
Honors his commitments
Must respect animals
No arrest record (no more than 1 night in jail ex. drunk tank)
Must have same view on children and child rearing
Cannot have a sponsor (unless is a major corporation)

Attractive, not ugly. (Ugly hot reserved for booty calls only)
NO RECYCLING (only booty calls without feelings can be recycled)
Has to drive a car that is not embarrassing to valet park
Cannot live with parents (separate entrance not acceptable)
Must have all his teeth
Must be skilled in basic housekeeping
Must be self sufficient
No baby mamas
Must have at least a college degree
Must be willing to court/date
Must call instead of text message
We must not be embarrassed by his clothes
Must be within an acceptable age range (no dating daddy or daddy’s son)
Cannot hate his friends (must have at least 2 friends that you like)
Must have a few friends that are happily married
Must have traveled outside of Ohio
Must want to travel
Does not call at 10 pm for dates (able and willing to make plans in advance)
Does not consistently call during booty call hours
Must be handy – routine maintenance
Must be willing and able to cook
Must be willing to spend time with your family
Must respect the shoes
Must have good credit (no majors on their credit report)
Must not be afraid to give a gift
Must understand the importance of sending flowers to work
Must not be a virgin
Cannot be a sexual deviant
Must get along with my friends
Must be complimentary of me (no false or empty compliments)
Must have similar taste in dining style
Must have similar religious views or similar views on the importance of religion
Must have similar political views
Must have a job that provides him with health insurance
Must make me laugh
Cannot have longer nails than I do
Cannot look better in makeup than I do
Cannot use more products than I do when getting ready
Must let you spend the whole night or spends the whole night with you
Must have similar sleeping style
Must be willing to take me on vacation
Must give me the remote in my house
Must be accepting of my taste
Cannot be a mama’s boy
Cannot have more emotional baggage than I do
Cannot be a fixer upper
Cannot own a cowboy hat (even ironically)
Cannot get involved in how much my beauty maintenance costs
Must read for pleasure
Must have rhythm
Must be taller than I am in heels
Must appreciate my sarcasm
Must give a good massage
Must understand my need for silence
Must understand my independence
Must want to make my life better with is presence
Must have good hygiene and good grooming
Cannot be possessive or overly jealous
Cannot have had a sex change
Cannot have been on Maury, Jerry, Rickki, etc
Cannot have had to take a paternity test
Cannot wear more jewelry than I do
Must have a valid driver’s license
Cannot have party plates
Cannot be an oompa loompa
Cannot have frosted tips
No drama

I realize that this list eliminates about 80% percent of Cleveland but I haven't been picky enough with who I allow to occupy my life or my heart so this list is a necessity.


danielle said...

i think i almost peed my pants laughing while reading this! i can only imagine how much fun you guys had compiling this!!!!

Aimee said...

Work it ladies!

misstiff said...

I need to remind myself of some these today :)